Underwear

One evening, while thinking I was being funny, I said to my wife "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take an inch or 2
off of your butt!"!

My wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning I took a pair of underwear out of my drawer. "What is this?" I said to myself as a little dust cloud appeared when I shook them out.

"Connie", I hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"
She replied..... "It's not talcum powder, it's Miracle Grow!"

Family Tradition

Bubba had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all
been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that special day,
they'd each walked across the lake to the bar on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Bubba's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Jim Bob
took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Bubba stepped out of the boat
and nearly drowned! Jim Bob just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Bubba went to see his grandmother. 'Grandma,'
he asked, 'it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like
my pappy, his father, and his father before him?'

Granny looked deeply into Bubba's troubled eyes and said,

'Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather
were born in January, and you were born
in July, you idiot!'

A few years ago

I was on a kibbutz in Israel, this really good looking english girl there shat on a plate and ate a bit of it with some bread. It was minging. Someone took pictures. Then later for the amusement of everyone else she attempted to ram an enormous vegetable up her fanny. That wasn't at all minging, quite pleasant to watch in fact.

Just great

I went to Taco Bell today, and they have these new things on the menu called "caramel apple empanadas" and holy crap they are freaking good. Maybe it's because they suspiciously resemble Hubig's pies, except they're served hot and only come in one flavor. If you've never had the sweet goodness that is a Hubig's pie, you need to run down to New Orleans right now. They're like a glazed turnover filled with gooey fruit stuff. Oh it is great.

I also saw that movie Big Fish tonight. It was really really good, the story, the cinematography, the actors, everything. One of my friends bawled her eyes out. I didn't though, which surprised me, because I cried during Sweet Home Alabama lol. Come on, it was the part when she was in the dog cemetery and she was talking to her boyfriend's old dog, and she was all like, "It wasn't your fault that I left." That was so sad. I'm sorry. lol

In other news, another blog linked to me! What!! And you better not think that I'm a hick just because he identified me as "Emily from Mississippi." I'm from the coast, thank you. Representing the 228! Seriously, the below I-10 area is like a foreign country compared to the rest of the state. You should have to have a passport to travel back and forth.

Speaking of Big Fish and Southern states... Why is a movie like Big Fish, a movie about happy people, set in Alabama, while movies about racism are set in Mississippi? No fair!